she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
