as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
