I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
