After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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