After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
