Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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