I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
