thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
