I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
