im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Randomize
