just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
