Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
