Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
