this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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