You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
