You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
