the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
