It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
