drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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