So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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