I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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