I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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