Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
