I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
