THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
