Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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