is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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