On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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