I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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