So drunk its hurt
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
