Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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