Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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