Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
