bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
