Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
