Will you blow on my dice?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
