I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
