im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
