I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Still dying that you shit outside
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
