I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
