so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
