He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
