The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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