my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
