you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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