he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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