Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
