While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
