did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
