I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
