we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
