How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
