Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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