I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
