Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
