its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
