sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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