why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
