Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
