I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
