My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
